Becoming the Kind Father: A Son's Journey

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Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010
7:00 PM

�This Father�s Day, I�ll think fondly of Dad. Which is odd, because I hated him when he was alive.� It is hard work to be a good father. Most men want to be gentle, kind, and loving fathers. Many of them are, and their children love them for it. But lots of men are frequently grumpy, impatient, and exceedingly judgmental of others � but have no idea why they are this way. Author, journalist, and environmental lawyer Calvin Sandborn writes that the macho society that held John Wayne as role model has created an emotional wasteland where 80 percent of men are unable to accurately express their feelings, and that same percentage feel estranged from their fathers. The stifled male, disconnected and out of touch, fills the void with apathy or anger, and the toll is staggering: short, unhealthy lives, ruined relationships, and damaged children. This destructive behavior repeats itself in the next generation.

Calvin Sandborn aims to break that cycle. His intensely personal story is heart-searing and inspirational. Brought up to fear his father�s alcohol-fueled fury and hateful put-downs, the author buried his feelings and fine-tuned his own rage. His father�s early death and the collapse of his own marriage were catalysts for change, and Sandborn changed his own life and became a �kind father,� not just to his children, but to himself. He shares his observations, insights, well-researched psychological findings, and very practical tips on how we can change these unfortunate patterns in his recent book �Becoming the Kind Father � A Son�s Journey.� The reason men will find this book compelling is because it presents the man�s point of view. There are also many women who could also benefit from Sandborn�s idea of becoming a kind parent.

Calvin Sandborn is a professor of environmental law and legal director of the University of Victoria Environmental Law Clinic. He is the author of �Becoming the Kind Father: A Son�s Journey� (New Society, 2007).

The event is hosted by Grunberg Patterson Counselling and Psychological Services, and by Frances Ferguson, Registered Clinical Counsellor. For more information, please call Monika or Serena at 250-339-3269, or Frances at 250-871-7303.

�I wish someone had told my father that he did not have to be a Man of Steel, that it was OK to be sad. I wish he had understood that he was no different from any of us, a mixture of good and bad. I wish he had realized that he could be forgiven, and that he could forgive. The fact was, he didn�t have to die alone in the Country of Resentment. There was room for him in the Country of Love.� -- Calvin Sanderson